guilt

Guilt of Insulting a fictional character!!!

I have been living with a guilt. Felt like an opportunist who uses other people’s misery. You can say something like that news reporter who asks after a dear one dies how do you feel???

I am a writer and I write about  life. The way I see writing is painting the picture as it is and a little beautification and joining the dots. Nothing else. I say you can create only from what is there. Writing is not magic that you create something from the air.. or  something that doesn't exist.. You only make a tree if you had the seed in the first place.. Obviously a person has imagination but they can imagine what they have seen before.. like I have seen a bird fly.. I know there is a idea called flying.. so a human may also fly.. I write it down and name that person Superman. The same thing goes for inventions too… wright brothers had the concept of flying that is the reason they tried to invent airplanes and finally accomplished it.

What I coming to is that taking inspiration and being inspired by life is not wrong but healthy. What is wrong  is going overboard or humiliating that sketch of a real person on whom you have based the character. Obviously, they will never be able to know. Reading about them they will not know it is them. They will think the character is so similar to them.

Oh I keep deviating from the main issue.. The thing is when you insult a fictional person. You cannot apologize. And you have to live with that.  I did so in a short film that I was writing. Everything was good about the film.. I had written mostly as I had known the story. The girl is forced into sex trade. What I did was named the film WHORE.. just because people will be attracted to it and they will see it. Because according to the trend these controversial title’s work well. (I think i did it because of this.. i don't know)

I am so sorry for being insensitive. I cannot say how bad I have felt. Not because what people will think about my thought process. Okay somewhere that is there too. But when I won’t insult a real person in life no matter how they behave with me. I don’t do that to the fictional one too. even if they are mere reflections of the real person. I don’t want to sound like a person who would profit himself with the misery of someone else. If the story comes forward  in front of people it should only be to make them aware. Not, every story is entertainment. And it is sad to be using monkey tricks.

I don’t think I am going to do  this again.  What I don’t like personally I should not do.

If I feel guilty that means I made a mistake .. the sad part is I can’t say sorry to Sunaina.

I just want to tell her I wrote her story with honesty. I just goofed up to make it popular which is not necessary.

Hope it is made and I am renaming it to Sunaina.

Because the story is about a fighter who comes out of a difficult situation and finds life. Full Stop. 

blissful life

Ah Blissful life!!!

I had a moment

I felt ecstasy

Where you may ask

Here a while ago

When I felt my head may burst into pieces

Here when I was helping a small girl learn her lines

The lines I had wrote

I was getting furious

With her excuses

Why she could not remember before

Why she can’t speak hindi properly

And with her constant questioning

How I became a writer and so on

Everyone calling me here there and everywhere.

I had to put make up

Get ready for a shot..

I was acting too

Then rushing to my table and translating  a script

What a day I had..

What a rush it is

To work, work and work

That’s bliss

If you fall in love with your work

That’s what you can carry till the end

Your love for your work..

That is what is constant

Everything all around will keep changing

The people, your bank balance, your age

But your passion towards your work will keep you alive

Put you in a blissful state..

Put you in a blissful state..

If you don’t love your work..

First of all, give yourself a tight slap..

Thank you..

Look, inside of you

There you may find a passion go after it..

And  go after it..

Find an idea to love and your life will be bliss..

Loving humans will not be difficult for you..

Adjusting, making them happy won’t be a pain for you..

But if you hate your work..

You will always look for love in fellow humans..

You may find it

You may not..

You may lose it

You may retain

But love for passion will be there

Be passionate

And live it up..

Don’t drag live a blissful life

And be alive truly

And point to be noted my lord, never be dependent on another atom

Never ever!!!

losing myself!!!

Loy Saab, The feel for our Chetna Epi.

I am losing myself…

The control is slowly slipping away
Don’t seem to know where I go
What I do
I m living in a trance
The days are passing as if I am in a dream
 Can’t distinguish between the dream or the reality
My reality is you and everything things focused on you

Who am I

I seem to have forgotten
I only know who you are
You are the one whose presence makes me alive
As you go I am unconscious waiting for you to wake me up
I seem to have lost myself
Forgotten who I am
Only you are the truth
Only you are the reality
Nothing else exists without you

How am I going to live this life
I sleep walk with you in my mind all the time…
I am drowning in my own thoughts
Unable to breathe when I realize you are so far
When will my conscious break and I will turn sane or insane
I don’t know
But I know I am not in my senses

I am just dragging, hoping you come and hold my hand …
I will find my self when we are together..

Or I will always remain incomplete
Always unless you are a part of me..

You are my existence
You are the air I breathe
You are the soil I stand on
You are what is there for me
Everything is you and without you there is nothing

I am losing my self…

Help me
Oh please help me

Find myself
Or I will vanish in the thin air without any trace

-SA

..............

" how easy it is, Doctor, to be a philosopher on paper, and how hard it is in life"

- Trepleff to Sorin  in Chekhov's Seagull.

A poem or nothing!!!

Poetry has kept me alive

Rhyming the words

Placing them in a proper sequence

Taking them out of my heart

One by one

Giving them the shape of a poem

They are my emotions

Enclosed in the wall of a poem

Out of my heart

So that I could be free

But they are emotions

Sticky as they are

 they seep back in

And I fail to be free

And the words lose their significance

And it just becomes a simple poem

Just an entertainment for whoever reads the words

Sometimes pity

Sometimes ignorance

Sometimes empathy

And Sometimes sympathy  

But what is it to me

My pain only I can feel

I hide it behind my aloofness

I hide it behind my smile

But the hurt , the joy

Everything’s there

No matter what I say

I don’t think I am really true

And I don’t know if we can ever be..

If it was only truth that we said

Our conversations would be so messed up

But the fact remains

Some day’s I am even fake to me…

That’s why I don’t believe in my words

Only what I do  

Only what I do

And honestly, that’s me

Not even I can hide

My words are not me

but my actions are

That’s all there is to say..

Gods knows if this poem is also fake from the fake part of my fake heart

for the fake mind of yours.

PS. Everything’s an illusion to me… everything’s a joy everything’s a lie everything’s a truth everything’s love everything’s hate everything’s important and last but not the least everything’s meaningless 

my love story has started & i am the new age Romeo !!!

Time to start loving you. Hey,our love story starts today. I knew i was a little ungrateful kind of person but this much even i have to admit, i was thankless...you kept me alive and i ignored you talked bad about you. Told people you were not important. Told them you are a duty for me and nothing else. You are in my life because i have no option.. Damn!!! I so hate myself for the arrogance I know you are forgiving and godly. So, Lets start a new chapter. Where i love and care for you passionately and then you love me back. How is the deal??? What you quoting me Paulo Cohelho " if you love in expectation of being loved back you are wasting your time"... blah blah blah... okay okay okay i will love you and hope you love me back.. that's fine with you right. No pressures.. is it??? But you know the real pressure is on me... because i have not fallen in love with you that everything i do for you is on auto-mode. I have decided to love you. And that's a very different thing altogether.. 

But don't you worry love. You have all the ingredients to be loved. You are sweet, salty, spicy and pricey. Who will not love you. You are sweetheart of many. Many have ruined themselves for you.Most of the folks i know love you. I am going to be your new age Romeo and You are going to make me look Super Awesome by giving me special attention. 

Oh, you food particles. I promise to never ignore you again. Accept me, Help me and love me. Cheers to the new beginning. Believe my love and add weight to my life. :-)

Loving as well as Sincere 

Sonu Anand

so you want to be a writer- Tom O'Bedlam

so you want to be a writer

if it doesn't come bursting out of you

in spite of everything,

don't do it.

unless it comes unasked out of your

heart and your mind and your mouth

and your gut,

don't do it.

if you have to sit for hours

staring at your computer screen

or hunched over your

typewriter

searching for words,

don't do it.

if you're doing it for money or

fame,

don't do it.

if you're doing it because you want

women in your bed,

don't do it.

if you have to sit there and

rewrite it again and again,

don't do it.

if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,

don't do it.

if you're trying to write like somebody else,

forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of you,

then wait patiently.

if it never does roar out of you,

do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife

or your girlfriend or your boyfriend

or your parents or to anybody at all,

you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,

don't be like so many thousands of

people who call themselves writers,

don't be dull and boring and

pretentious, don't be consumed with self-love.

the libraries of the world have

yawned themselves to sleep

over your kind.

don't add to that.

don't do it.

unless it comes out of

your soul like a rocket,

unless being still would

drive you to madness or

suicide or murder,

don't do it.

unless the sun inside you is

burning your gut,

don't do it.

when it is truly time,

and if you have been chosen,

it will do it by

itself and it will keep on doing it

until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.