I started blogging in 2007-08, Oo I was so excited. So many things to share. So many ideas, philosophies and what not.
It was a damn good outlet for a shy reserved human being to share and communicate. I blogged for a couple of years and then I stopped blogging altogether.
Why if you ask me?
I don't know exactly but I want to figure it out. What was it that got me off blogs?
I even stopped reading my favorite ones. I sometimes look at them when I open blogspot.com staring at me all of them with their new posts. I look at the list. Most of them survived. Some didn't, like me.
Some blogged about films, books, equal rights and other random things.
What I blogged about was usually the turmoil I felt in my head/heart (I feel both are same) but for the last few years, there has been a lot of clarity. The fight in the head has stopped. The craziness has gone.
So has the poetry. It's been a while I have written a poem. It's really been a while. Before,If I sat to write a prose piece, poetry would make its way. I do write now and then but it is nowhere close to being honest and heartfelt. It feels like labored and written like this piece. which I am writing to find out why I have stopped writing.
In a real sense, I don't consider myself to be a writer but I can write workable things. I have no knowledge of grammar whatever I write is from the knowledge of my readings. I feel at times to go back learn grammar again. To have it on the back of my hand. So that what I write is correct. But in a larger sense, it has not bothered me much for I feel the basic need to communicate is served through my crippled grammar knowledge. So, the effort has not been there. (Will work on it, though)
I do want to write, be a writer, because that's where I communicate well I feel. I would not have been able to articulate all these in spoken words maybe. Speaking needs preparation for me. And I don't prepare unless it is for my acting performances. But When it comes to narrating my scripts I have realized you can't without diligent preparation. So that is something I got to do.
I will write on a regular basis. If not on the blog in my journal. But writing has to be there. One of my teachers told me you have to write to be a writer and everyday. Set aside time and write. For the past few days I have started getting up and have been writing and reading. I hope to find my voice again. To voice what I feel needs to be said. Not for anything but for me to streamline my self.
To know what I want, where I want to go, to share stories, to share films.
See you, or not while I learn the right way.
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SA
