Challenges

Life throws different challenges at us. It is what we do is what becomes of us.  Influence is a major factor in our lives. Some of us are inspired by great personalities while some are influenced by the notorious ones. We are all drawn to what is underneath us. 

Writing as a process..

 My blog here is a proof that though I write. I have issues with sitting to do the act. As the frequency of the posts are sparse. I sometimes wonder about all the acting roles that I have done. Would I have completed them if I knew that I could escape it. Acting is a group activity you do it with other people so there is a social stigma attached with pissing off so many people with writing you are usually dealing with yourself. So, when you give up it is your shame. A personal one. I have pissed off so many people with not honoring my writing commitments that I have lost count. Though I have completed every project that I was paid for. The fact that I need money I struggle through the hell my mind puts me through and I come out on the other side.  So, even though I would like to give up but since I have already spent the money. I have no other way than to write. All the scripts that I have written have been reviewed well. The biggest critic I have I feel is inside,  me. I know that if I sit and write I would succeed in coming up with a decent script but sitting is a problem. 

I read somewhere, "A page at a time, A day at a time". This gives me hope. Also I understand that to achieve any kind of success you need a mental discipline to go through what makes you most uncomfortable. With acting I was able to do that because the commitment was with other people and I had to fulfill it and now I have fun with it. The most difficult part is over I have done enough roles well that even if I know I can't do something well I understand by experience I will be able to pull through as I have past experiences to rely on. With writing all my good experiences have not been of any use. I can't shake of the feeling that I am going to fail. 

But One thing that I understand is that if I do it. It will be fine. This is one reason I am able to do some projects. One that I am writing and the narration is tomorrow. I know that I will be able to pull through. What else is there to do The shoot is planned in October and we are going for scouting of the locations. So yes there is no other way but to do it. Also the money has been spent long back. 

I will check in tomorrow and update about how it turned out though I am clueless at the present moment. See ya in 30 hours.  

After 60 hours..

Ola, Friends.. I did manage to write and write well that was accepted and loved. 

So rules to be a writer.. 

1. Don't be scared of the blank page..

2. Scribble in a side document If you need to.. 

3. Write Random stuff around or of the story. 

4. Once you feel ready, start on the main document. 

5. Use Music if you are distracted. 

6. Stop checking messages. Every time you check a message it takes more than 20 minutes to regain the flow. 

7. Lock the door and write. It is okay if you are not making too much sense. 

8. Fear is inherent. The fear of being a terrible writer will never go away. Face it. 

9. Keep talking to yourself. Once you have a victory share it. Like I am doing now. 

10. Remember, Writing is possible only if you sit down. So take a seat and type away. 

बिखरते देखा है उसे जो आसमान की ओर बढ़ा

 

बिखरते देखा है उसे जो आसमान की ओर बढ़ा

टूटते देखा उसे भी जो तारों से जा मिला

नहीं मिलती किसी को भी पूरी पूरी  ज़िंदगी

कुछ ना कुछ तो छुट ही जाता है

कुछ ना कुछ तो रह ही जाता है

बिखरोगे भी टूटोगे भी

और तब जो कुछ बचेगा

वही तुम होगे

 

 

मत बनाओ सीमाए अपने लिये

चलने दो जो चल रहा हो

होने दो जो हो रहा हो

हवा का जो रुख हो उसके साथ चलते ही रहो

दूसरी ओर दौडोगे तो थक ही जाओगे

हाँ , बुझ ही जाओगे

 

जो करना चाहते हो तुम वही करो

पर जिद्दी ना बनो अकडू ना बनो

वरना टूट जाओगे वरना पिस जाओगे

क्यूंकि हर कोई बिखरता है हर कोई पिघलता है हर कोई टूट जाता है...

 

इसलिए

जिस तरफ हवा का रुख हो उसी तरफ चलना

करना वही जो तेरा दिल करे

पर रुक कर साँस भी ले लेना

कुछ खा लेना, थोडा आराम कर लेना

नहीं कह रहा मैं की अपने सपनो को छोर देना

भागना उनके पीछे भी

पर भागते भागते, जीना ना छोर देना  

अपनों को ना खो देना

तस्वीरों को धुंधलाने ना देना

पाना ही हर कुछ नहीं होता

कुछ कुछ दूसरों के लिये भी कर देना

अकेले कहाँ तक चलोगे

कभी कभी इधर उधर भी झांक लेना

ज़रूर करना तुम अपने सपनो को पूरा

पर

ए  दोस्त, जिद्द ना करना...

Soliloquy- True Lover

Character: Kathrin 

What is she going through : She has to decide whether she wants to choose to stay with Kevin or let her Father go bankrupt and lose his mind. 

"Do I have a choice? I am asked to sacrifice who I am as If I have no identity of my own. Like in ancient times.. People sacrificed someone from the village to save themselves from the wrath of Gods.. I, Kathrin am sacrificed at the altar. 

I will be married day after to someone my father owes money too.. 

Do I have to do this? Why should I go through with this. Isn't caring for the child and their well being a parent's duty.. Why then it is my duty to save them in the time of crisis?

I am a child too..  I believe last autumn my mother said.. 'Oh, You won't understand it.. you are just a child.. '

Wooo.. the child has turned savior in a matter of months.. 

Is life a series of conveniences that everyone puts on everyone else.. 

My family needs me.. to save them from poverty.. 

save my siblings from homelessness.. 

save my father's fall from grace.. 

I am expected to heal his failing heart by marrying a stranger.. 

He did promise a pound of flesh to shylock but it shall be taken from his child's heart this time.. 

What will I tell Kevin??? 

My promises of forever that I made on my fifteenth were mere promises.. 

I have been betrayed by my own blood.. 

I have no heart to betray him.. My heart has been snatched by a stranger to keep locked as a ransom. 

I will not betray him. I will meet him tomorrow. 

We will plan tomorrow as if it were our last. 

I will divide the day in four parts. youth, adulthood, middle age and  the old.. 

I will be that fly who lives only for a day.. 

Kevin, I love and I always will.. we have one day.. and I shall perish from his life. 

I don't have the heart to betray him,. so i shall live the day as my last and vanish forever as a true lover.

Happy Stars

"I was born under happy stars, with a keen sense of wonder, which has never left me… and with no exaggerated notion of my own deserts. I have shared the common lot, and have found it good enough for me."

" Unlucky is the man who is born with great expectations, and who finds nothing in life quite up to the mark.

One of the best things a man can bring into the world with him is a natural humility of spirit. About the next best thing he can bring, and they usually go together, is an appreciative spirit — a loving and susceptible heart." - John Burroughs

Dear Incharge,

 TO, 

         The Incharge, 

          Universe. 

         Pincode - Infinity 

Subject: I have been ignoring my work recently. 

Dear Incharge, 

If you hear me out. I am grateful for that. I have been told that being thankful is the most important thing in this life. If you are thankful for what you have you shall have more of that.  Okay sounds good. I try and be optimistic about the life given to me, the people I have been given. Though at times I see myself being cynical not accepting the situations and people wholeheartedly. It is said, accept things for what they are and you cease to suffer. Do I suffer? I have no idea about that. I seem to be accepting everything and crib less. It could be superficially but yes I do try and be accepting of what has been handed to me. I am thankful for my talents and sense of understanding. Can't complain. It is a rich life up here in my head. I don't seem to be needing a lot of people. I also try not to look for validation which was a need when I was younger. I guess it is the same for everybody.  It does get easier the questions do reduce about what this is all about? The why of our presence here. Whatever I have read or seen in other people's lives the WHY of it is so important. I have a lot of work to do but I don't seem to be doing that. I have been hurting people by not staying in touch or fulfilling my promises. The WHY of this behavior is also a mystery. I need to figure out the big WHY and it shall get easier maybe.. Or is it? that we have to keep pushing. Keep getting up, keep forcing ourselves to do what we have to? I am confused. I always believed in doing what my heart spoke of. I have been successful in a way. When I do something I do it with all my heart or not at all. That seems to be a problem. What can we do? What should we do? How do we survive in society? 

These are all the questions that remain. I want a life of expression.  A life where it is more about expressing who I am rather than impressing what I think I should be. I am what I am. That has to be the language of living every day. Personally, I feel dialogues such as these might give us some clarity. This is WHY I am writing to you. Lately, I feel uninspired. Lately, I don't feel like getting up. The excitement seems to be missing. Weirdly, I am doing what I always wanted to. What seems to be the problem then. I wish to read a lot more. I wish to act a lot more. I wish to write a lot more. All of these are in me without resistance. I don't have to make any extra effort to do these things. What seems to be missing then? People say you have to have a purpose. What purpose and for what? I would want my purpose to stay in the present and live rather than be a ghost of the future or of the past. 

I would like to say NO to things I don't want to do. Not let people hang and be confused. I need to be kinder. And it seems living from the heart and at the moment could make me empathetic and kind. I wish to love and be loved but if I mistreat others that is all I shall receive. I understand that. 

Today, I might take this opportunity to apologize for my lethargy and ignorance to every being that feels any hurt. I wish- I want- I would- from now on live each day as it comes. This way I will build a healthier life. I might fulfill my potential whatever that may be. 

This has been quite an enriching experience writing to you. I feel freer than before. I shall be better I believe. Gratitude for all the love that you send my way. Gratitude for all the friends and family you send my way. Gratitude for all my teachers and the lessons you send my way.  Gratitude for making me understand It is now what we have and it is now who we are. 

So the WHY of this life has to be about the present. The Purpose has to be about clarity of the moment. It has to be about taking each breath as it comes. 

Thank you.. Thank you.. 

Yours truly and always

A part of you that wants to figure itself out.