(Continuation of the the last post: the lost case)
Haah!!! So so so easy to complicate the simple things. A little problem and we start running around like little babies..
Okay okay.. maybe not you.. only me!!! I start running
But this is who i am.. if something is bugging me everyone will know somehow or the other (meaning i will tell them) and I am comfortable with this.
The fact that I was not getting the hang of the role is known by most of my friends who I talk on the regular basis. and those of you happen to come across this.
Now, when i was was talking about my problem, it was how I couldn't act because English was not my primary language..
oh it was such a ***** lame reason. A reason which made me look good because, well not been able to act was my real problem where as not been able to speak like a native english speaker was never mine.
So here it is, I kept working on the character and during the course of reading the script again and again for short period's time with changing a few words here and there to suit me, I reached the character's nerve ending which leads to his voice and the way he talks.. as I had his voice, it was done and approved by my co-actor with a remark like this, " tera role accha taiyar ho gaya re.. you got it". Translation, "you got the character, it sounds good".
And this was the end of my trouble and now I can concentrate on more important aspect. The Direction.
PS. though the solution I reached was already suggested by my writer friend. but i wanted to take my own path in finding the voice and when i found it I remembered his suggestion. Next time, take a goddam suggestion anyone gives. At least give it a try.
04 August, 2015
28 July, 2015
The Lost Case of the Layabout!!!
When the great director Luis Bunuel was asked, did he consider acting???. He said, acting is for Layabouts, an idler, a lazy person.
While i was watching the interview a smile broke on my face.. i said , oh yaa.. But acting, maybe is a mind game... You figure out the character in your head and keep figuring out.. you have to become that person. well i am trying to these days and, hell it's tough.
When i had thought i was getting the hang of acting. comes a role where i am clueless.. It is not such a difficult role for any ordinary actor. But for me.. it looks every thing is difficult..
The role is of a director who is a kind of master to his actor. MASTER in bold and block. So this is the role. I have been trying to figure out the directors who have been a little tyrannical. reading about them listening to the interviews and all. At first i had thought once the lines are done i will get into the character but when the lines are done i feel miserable that i am clueless about the character..
A lot of references come to my mind. trying to figure it all. I have always felt i am a better actor for camera than for the stage. Not because i'm bad on stage. but because the amount of hours spent and the duration is much more than in for camera. for camera once you are done with the role you can drop it but for the stage you keep it with you for future shows that may happen any time. but since i am a true layabout and don't go for auditions.. i have to act as an actor on stage which i good for me as a performer but extremely challenging.
This play is in English.. which adds an element of difficulty as i don't feel very comfortable conversing in the language. So while i speak the lines it seems i am not feeling it but just saying it.. so for the period i am doing the first few shows.. i have given a command to myself that i will think in English.. and whenever i catch myself thinking in hindi. i catch myself and go back to english. I feel this will be of help..
Many people wonder how can you be so comfortable in a month or so.. for that i have to say.. well i have not been living this guys life for more than a month too.. so if i can convince the audience about myself being some other guy.. the language will not be a problem..
So for a dictator they say, must be quiet.. only then people will take him seriously.. I don't know about that but what my friend the writer has written i will try to follow much of that and as a director i have taken permission to replace a few words to get comfortable.
Well, yes, i am directing too.. it is crazy and scary at some level. My teacher whom i keep calling me for advice said i should concentrate on one thing. either act or direct. and also added if you have the confidence to pull it off. do it. to be honest, I think i can. Not for moment have i felt that i can't but when you are stuck somewhere between discovering something no matter what it is..
when you start, you feel, well i have the time; i think i can .. After some time, during the middle period, you feel i don't think i can, let's quit and hand it over to someone else or something like it is not possible altogether and then you give up... which usually happens.. has happened to me too..
and if you continued, Comes the end part where if you have not quit. You actually do what didn't seem possible.
So, the trick to accomplish anything it seems, is to keep moving.
So for me, i shall keep trying to figure out the character and keep working on the language and it shall happen. Yes it shall.
While i was watching the interview a smile broke on my face.. i said , oh yaa.. But acting, maybe is a mind game... You figure out the character in your head and keep figuring out.. you have to become that person. well i am trying to these days and, hell it's tough.
When i had thought i was getting the hang of acting. comes a role where i am clueless.. It is not such a difficult role for any ordinary actor. But for me.. it looks every thing is difficult..
The role is of a director who is a kind of master to his actor. MASTER in bold and block. So this is the role. I have been trying to figure out the directors who have been a little tyrannical. reading about them listening to the interviews and all. At first i had thought once the lines are done i will get into the character but when the lines are done i feel miserable that i am clueless about the character..
A lot of references come to my mind. trying to figure it all. I have always felt i am a better actor for camera than for the stage. Not because i'm bad on stage. but because the amount of hours spent and the duration is much more than in for camera. for camera once you are done with the role you can drop it but for the stage you keep it with you for future shows that may happen any time. but since i am a true layabout and don't go for auditions.. i have to act as an actor on stage which i good for me as a performer but extremely challenging.
This play is in English.. which adds an element of difficulty as i don't feel very comfortable conversing in the language. So while i speak the lines it seems i am not feeling it but just saying it.. so for the period i am doing the first few shows.. i have given a command to myself that i will think in English.. and whenever i catch myself thinking in hindi. i catch myself and go back to english. I feel this will be of help..
Many people wonder how can you be so comfortable in a month or so.. for that i have to say.. well i have not been living this guys life for more than a month too.. so if i can convince the audience about myself being some other guy.. the language will not be a problem..
So for a dictator they say, must be quiet.. only then people will take him seriously.. I don't know about that but what my friend the writer has written i will try to follow much of that and as a director i have taken permission to replace a few words to get comfortable.
Well, yes, i am directing too.. it is crazy and scary at some level. My teacher whom i keep calling me for advice said i should concentrate on one thing. either act or direct. and also added if you have the confidence to pull it off. do it. to be honest, I think i can. Not for moment have i felt that i can't but when you are stuck somewhere between discovering something no matter what it is..
when you start, you feel, well i have the time; i think i can .. After some time, during the middle period, you feel i don't think i can, let's quit and hand it over to someone else or something like it is not possible altogether and then you give up... which usually happens.. has happened to me too..
and if you continued, Comes the end part where if you have not quit. You actually do what didn't seem possible.
So, the trick to accomplish anything it seems, is to keep moving.
So for me, i shall keep trying to figure out the character and keep working on the language and it shall happen. Yes it shall.
24 July, 2015
acchi kahani
Ek acchi kahani likhna chahta hun...
par woh acchi hai ya nahi yeh faisla kaun kare
yahi soch ke ruk jata hun..
padhi hai maine bahut sari acchi kahanaiyan
par likhna alag baat hai
bahut sare dost mere aksar kuch anab sanab likh kar kehte hai..
dekho, issi kehte hai kahani..
meri sabse pukhta aur majboot kahani hai..
are bhai tum kaise iss baat ka faisla kar sakte ho, ki yeh kahani badhiya hai..
yeh toh padhne wale, ya sunne wale hi tay karenge..
hai ki nahi .. aap hi bataye..
par mai yeh jokham nahi lena chahta
mai aachi kahani likhna chahta hun..
joki sabko acchi hi lage
koi kasar na rahe ki woh unnis bees bhi ho..
toh kya karu mai..
kaise likhun ek kahani jo nishchit hi acchi ho..
abhi tak toh koi upay nahi mila hai
issiliye mere samne yeh panna kora pada hai
jab tak nahi mil jati koi acchi kahani ise kora hi rakhunga..
nahi lena chahta mai koi jokahm
ki mujhe sunna pade logon se ki thik thak ya buri kahani likhta hai..
thahar sakta hun mai thodi der aur ..
shyad saat pratishat ek acchi kahani mil jaye..
kyunki mai toh sirf, acchi kahani likhna chata hun..
chahe reh jaye sare panne khali, chahe poori ho jaye mere saason ki ginti
main toh ek acchi kahani likhna chahta hun..
-SA
11 April, 2015
A Thousand Times!!!
Walking on the road
I slipped, I fell, I was covered with mud
A thousand times
But still I got up..
I walked ahead..
I failed all the exams..
I believed myself to be a loser
Still I tried once more..
Some day I might pass
A thousand times I tried with hope..
Stupidity became synonymous to my name
Because of all the decisions I took
Because of the vain arrogance I had
Vacant self esteem I possessed
I was called stupid a thousand times
Still I try to be wise..
Still I try to make sense
I did all that i was not interested in
Believing that's what I deserve
Not accepting my passion
Feeling unworthy of my dreams
I tried to throw my dream away
a thousand times
But still it comes back inside
It's magic I don't know from where
What you meant to be
What your path is
What your dreams are
What you are passionate about
You can't pick and choose
Don't question why
Don't judge if you can
Don't think you know the answers
No you don't
And you can't
If you want peace
If you want to smile
If you want to look good
Let your passion flow
Follow what ur heart desires
Fail a thousand times
Still u'll smile.
A thousand times you'll lose
A thousand times you'll smile
Because you understand
It not about the end goal
It about enjoying the journey
It may take a while
It may take a lifetime
But you will have fun
You'll enjoy
A thousand times you'll realize
It's not about reaching there
But the travel is what makes you who you are..
So smile and keep walking
For the thousands of days you have.
Keep losing and keep winning
A thousand times.
-SA
I slipped, I fell, I was covered with mud
A thousand times
But still I got up..
I walked ahead..
I failed all the exams..
I believed myself to be a loser
Still I tried once more..
Some day I might pass
A thousand times I tried with hope..
Stupidity became synonymous to my name
Because of all the decisions I took
Because of the vain arrogance I had
Vacant self esteem I possessed
I was called stupid a thousand times
Still I try to be wise..
Still I try to make sense
I did all that i was not interested in
Believing that's what I deserve
Not accepting my passion
Feeling unworthy of my dreams
I tried to throw my dream away
a thousand times
But still it comes back inside
It's magic I don't know from where
What you meant to be
What your path is
What your dreams are
What you are passionate about
You can't pick and choose
Don't question why
Don't judge if you can
Don't think you know the answers
No you don't
And you can't
If you want peace
If you want to smile
If you want to look good
Let your passion flow
Follow what ur heart desires
Fail a thousand times
Still u'll smile.
A thousand times you'll lose
A thousand times you'll smile
Because you understand
It not about the end goal
It about enjoying the journey
It may take a while
It may take a lifetime
But you will have fun
You'll enjoy
A thousand times you'll realize
It's not about reaching there
But the travel is what makes you who you are..
So smile and keep walking
For the thousands of days you have.
Keep losing and keep winning
A thousand times.
-SA
14 March, 2015
I'm Not on your side.
As a small kid as far as my memory goes.. a few friends that played would make groups.. fight each other and then want you to choose sides..
Well, a 3-4 year old want you to choose sides. This has been the worst concept that i haven't been able to comprehend ever. I don't want to choose sides. I don't loathe either of the group. You will have to choose they say. If you are not on our side you are against us.
When i went to a boarding school during the period, when i was 5-10 year old. It was as bad. My hostel was in Kurseong,Darjeeling. So the groups were divided among the natives and others who came from the north side, bihar, bengal etc. My best friend was a native. So i always found it difficult to be among the group i was supposed to be by default. I was pressured to join the north side while the natives were cool with me being part of their group. I had no choice i liked them all though i didn't understand this need to make groups. Otherwise they were all good people.
I guess their difference in appearance made them choose sides. Well, i din't see the difference. My troubles didn't last long. The natives gave me free hand as to i pretend to be of north group and be with them too. I liked the idea. I guess it got easy to survive after that. But the fact remains i had to pretend to choose a group to survive without hassle.
My question is do we have to choose sides, when there is no difference between either of them. why can't i be friend with him without hurting her. I guess you can't they will make you choose sides.
All my life the thing about choosing sides has been arising time and again. So much so that one friend said, you have to choose one, there is always right and wrong..
But who says that and who will decide that..
If i have seen friends in both the sides is because i have heard what they have to say. And in their heads both of them are right.
So what do we do.
Which side you'll be on.
There are many thing said about being neutral. "every side attacks you, when you don't take sides."
I will give you that one. It does become convenient if you choose one side. But for that you will have to choose a side. You will have to hate someone for that.
The thing about having a healthy difference does not exist and never existed. I believe.
If i am with muslims. here and there they will drop about why don't i belief in their faith as that's the only real faith.
or when a hindu unabashedly criticizes muslims..
or when a international paper says, people who worship stones are living in darkness and they have to give them some light..
or when you hate someone because they can't speak your language..
or when you don't like the colour of my skin.
or when you hate someone just because that one annoys you without any reason.
Why would i want to take sides. these are all talks.. the reality being the reality. i will perceive my life as i will .. if i don't find any side i want to choose.. i will choose nothing. and if for that you hate me go on.. do that.
you will have groups for that too..
some who would not mind me..
some who hate me for my thoughts..
some who love me and agree with me..
so here again we have made groups..
I don't know what more i can say about this... but just this that, I'm not on your side..
-SA
Well, a 3-4 year old want you to choose sides. This has been the worst concept that i haven't been able to comprehend ever. I don't want to choose sides. I don't loathe either of the group. You will have to choose they say. If you are not on our side you are against us.
When i went to a boarding school during the period, when i was 5-10 year old. It was as bad. My hostel was in Kurseong,Darjeeling. So the groups were divided among the natives and others who came from the north side, bihar, bengal etc. My best friend was a native. So i always found it difficult to be among the group i was supposed to be by default. I was pressured to join the north side while the natives were cool with me being part of their group. I had no choice i liked them all though i didn't understand this need to make groups. Otherwise they were all good people.
I guess their difference in appearance made them choose sides. Well, i din't see the difference. My troubles didn't last long. The natives gave me free hand as to i pretend to be of north group and be with them too. I liked the idea. I guess it got easy to survive after that. But the fact remains i had to pretend to choose a group to survive without hassle.
My question is do we have to choose sides, when there is no difference between either of them. why can't i be friend with him without hurting her. I guess you can't they will make you choose sides.
All my life the thing about choosing sides has been arising time and again. So much so that one friend said, you have to choose one, there is always right and wrong..
But who says that and who will decide that..
If i have seen friends in both the sides is because i have heard what they have to say. And in their heads both of them are right.
So what do we do.
Which side you'll be on.
There are many thing said about being neutral. "every side attacks you, when you don't take sides."
I will give you that one. It does become convenient if you choose one side. But for that you will have to choose a side. You will have to hate someone for that.
The thing about having a healthy difference does not exist and never existed. I believe.
If i am with muslims. here and there they will drop about why don't i belief in their faith as that's the only real faith.
or when a hindu unabashedly criticizes muslims..
or when a international paper says, people who worship stones are living in darkness and they have to give them some light..
or when you hate someone because they can't speak your language..
or when you don't like the colour of my skin.
or when you hate someone just because that one annoys you without any reason.
Why would i want to take sides. these are all talks.. the reality being the reality. i will perceive my life as i will .. if i don't find any side i want to choose.. i will choose nothing. and if for that you hate me go on.. do that.
you will have groups for that too..
some who would not mind me..
some who hate me for my thoughts..
some who love me and agree with me..
so here again we have made groups..
I don't know what more i can say about this... but just this that, I'm not on your side..
-SA
07 March, 2015
woh mujhe rone nahi dete!!!
aksar thak kar jab apni thakan zahir karta hun;
toh woh kehte hai," koi baat nahi.. yeh toh hona hi hai..
aadat dal lo.."
kabhi agar pyar mei chot khaon..
toh kehte hai:" yeh toh hona hi tha.. mujhe pehle hi laga tha.. "
"bhool jao.. "
Kabhi kisi bhookhe ko dekh kar gussa aur majburi mehsoos karta to kehte..
yeh toh aisa hi rahega..
"kyu bekar mei pareshan hote ho... hone do jo ho raha hai"..
kabhi bam dhamakon se daar jata hun toh kehte hai..
"are darke kya hasil ho jayega.. ab aise hi jeena hoga"
kabhi apne kam se nirash hokar unse baat karta hun, to kehte hai
"yeh kam tumhare layak nahi, kuch aisa karo jo tumhare bas ka ho".
kabhi bimar ho jao aur apni taklifein bayan karu toh kehte hai,
"dhairya rakho, jald theek ho jaoge.. akbakane se kya hoga.."
meri har taklif, meri har samasya, har dukh ko nazar andaz karne ko kehte hai..
Woh mujhe rone nahi dete..
sach kahu toh, woh mujhe jeene hi nahi dete..
mere saath ho rahe wakyon ko, mehsoos nahi hone dete..
meri dabdabai aankhon se, aansun tapakne hi nahi dete..
kya karu, woh mujhe rone hi nahi dete..
sach toh yeh hai ki, woh mujhe jeene hi nahi dete..
unki nazar mei, jeena waisa hi hoga shayad..
apne dard ko sunn karke jeena, jewan hai shayad unke liye..
nazrein pher, nazarein badal lete hai shayad..
iss haath ke choot te, dusra haath tham lete hai shayad..
inn sabse khush ho shayad..
Main khush nahi hona chahta, iss tarah..
mai har pal ko, mehsoos karna chahta hun..
dard mei chikhna chahta hun
gam mei aansun bahana chahta hun..
taklif mei tadapna chahta hun..
aur agar kabhi khushi aaye, toh haasna bhi chahta hun..
mai insan hun..
insan ki tarah jeena chahta hun..
har kuch mehsoos karna chahta hun..
woh mujhe rone nahi dete..
arre yaar mai rona chahta hun..
-SA
toh woh kehte hai," koi baat nahi.. yeh toh hona hi hai..
aadat dal lo.."
kabhi agar pyar mei chot khaon..
toh kehte hai:" yeh toh hona hi tha.. mujhe pehle hi laga tha.. "
"bhool jao.. "
Kabhi kisi bhookhe ko dekh kar gussa aur majburi mehsoos karta to kehte..
yeh toh aisa hi rahega..
"kyu bekar mei pareshan hote ho... hone do jo ho raha hai"..
kabhi bam dhamakon se daar jata hun toh kehte hai..
"are darke kya hasil ho jayega.. ab aise hi jeena hoga"
kabhi apne kam se nirash hokar unse baat karta hun, to kehte hai
"yeh kam tumhare layak nahi, kuch aisa karo jo tumhare bas ka ho".
kabhi bimar ho jao aur apni taklifein bayan karu toh kehte hai,
"dhairya rakho, jald theek ho jaoge.. akbakane se kya hoga.."
meri har taklif, meri har samasya, har dukh ko nazar andaz karne ko kehte hai..
Woh mujhe rone nahi dete..
sach kahu toh, woh mujhe jeene hi nahi dete..
mere saath ho rahe wakyon ko, mehsoos nahi hone dete..
meri dabdabai aankhon se, aansun tapakne hi nahi dete..
kya karu, woh mujhe rone hi nahi dete..
sach toh yeh hai ki, woh mujhe jeene hi nahi dete..
unki nazar mei, jeena waisa hi hoga shayad..
apne dard ko sunn karke jeena, jewan hai shayad unke liye..
nazrein pher, nazarein badal lete hai shayad..
iss haath ke choot te, dusra haath tham lete hai shayad..
inn sabse khush ho shayad..
Main khush nahi hona chahta, iss tarah..
mai har pal ko, mehsoos karna chahta hun..
dard mei chikhna chahta hun
gam mei aansun bahana chahta hun..
taklif mei tadapna chahta hun..
aur agar kabhi khushi aaye, toh haasna bhi chahta hun..
mai insan hun..
insan ki tarah jeena chahta hun..
har kuch mehsoos karna chahta hun..
woh mujhe rone nahi dete..
arre yaar mai rona chahta hun..
-SA
25 February, 2015
well well well..
well well well
today is the 25th day of the second month of the year..
happens to be the birthday of my sister..
wooo!!! lucky to have her in my life..
as a kid, i would always be eager to be around her..
she was my star.. and i was star struck fan..
i remember once i had gone to meet her when she was in hostel..
they dint let us meet.. i was kind of broken.. a bit sad..
then i started growing up..
i got in my teen.. her care started looking like intrusion..
i wish i had given her the control..
i wish i had i had let her shape me..
i wish i had not been stubborn..
i wish i had understood her love..
but i was foolish bugger..
what i learnt or i am still learning would have been made easier by her guidance..
well only if we could see our future..
we would know how to behave..
well we cant..
only our past shapes our future...
but well you are meant to learn your lessons the hard way..
when i was in my 10th grade.. she got married..
the day of her wedding i realized..
oh damn i am gonna miss her..
damn she will not be there to keep a check on me..
well no matter how much freedom you desire it is always awesome to have someone monitor your ways..
keep you on track..
slowly i understood what she stood for..
after she left..
we got more close..
she became my friend after a few years..
one thing that she gave me was..
she always listened to all my crap..
all my blabber..
all my day dreaming...
and take it all in without judging..
those who dont have somone to listen to their thoughts know what i mean..
but the best part was..
she would always give me reality checks..
she would never agree to something what didn't appear plausible..
she would always tell me, that i was not being realist..
i know that hurts but thats better
you know someone, who would not fool you..
someone you can trust to be authentic..
authenticity is what we need in our people..
she is there for me.. she will always be there for me..
i can't express how happy it makes to have such a cool awesome sister..
love you my sister... i wish you a awesome birthday..
may this year be as you want it to be..
may you be as cool authentic and awesome for ever..
i know one thing that you are too sensitive..
tone it down sis..
dont bother what others are doing or saying..
well you cant control them...
you are too awesome to be bogged down by insensitivity around..
you be who you are..
that what i wish for you on your birthday..
i want to see my sister
fearless, happy with a big smile, always..
i hope you will be having a fun time with your amazing family..
wish i was there with you..
Happy Birthday Sister.. :)
your delusional Brother
love you always..
today is the 25th day of the second month of the year..
happens to be the birthday of my sister..
wooo!!! lucky to have her in my life..
as a kid, i would always be eager to be around her..
she was my star.. and i was star struck fan..
i remember once i had gone to meet her when she was in hostel..
they dint let us meet.. i was kind of broken.. a bit sad..
then i started growing up..
i got in my teen.. her care started looking like intrusion..
i wish i had given her the control..
i wish i had i had let her shape me..
i wish i had not been stubborn..
i wish i had understood her love..
but i was foolish bugger..
what i learnt or i am still learning would have been made easier by her guidance..
well only if we could see our future..
we would know how to behave..
well we cant..
only our past shapes our future...
but well you are meant to learn your lessons the hard way..
when i was in my 10th grade.. she got married..
the day of her wedding i realized..
oh damn i am gonna miss her..
damn she will not be there to keep a check on me..
well no matter how much freedom you desire it is always awesome to have someone monitor your ways..
keep you on track..
slowly i understood what she stood for..
after she left..
we got more close..
she became my friend after a few years..
one thing that she gave me was..
she always listened to all my crap..
all my blabber..
all my day dreaming...
and take it all in without judging..
those who dont have somone to listen to their thoughts know what i mean..
but the best part was..
she would always give me reality checks..
she would never agree to something what didn't appear plausible..
she would always tell me, that i was not being realist..
i know that hurts but thats better
you know someone, who would not fool you..
someone you can trust to be authentic..
authenticity is what we need in our people..
she is there for me.. she will always be there for me..
i can't express how happy it makes to have such a cool awesome sister..
love you my sister... i wish you a awesome birthday..
may this year be as you want it to be..
may you be as cool authentic and awesome for ever..
i know one thing that you are too sensitive..
tone it down sis..
dont bother what others are doing or saying..
well you cant control them...
you are too awesome to be bogged down by insensitivity around..
you be who you are..
that what i wish for you on your birthday..
i want to see my sister
fearless, happy with a big smile, always..
i hope you will be having a fun time with your amazing family..
wish i was there with you..
Happy Birthday Sister.. :)
your delusional Brother
love you always..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)