I'm Not on your side.

As a small kid as far as my memory goes.. a few friends that played would make groups.. fight each other and then want you to choose sides..

Well, a 3-4 year old want you to choose sides. This has been the worst concept that i haven't been able to comprehend ever. I don't want to choose sides. I don't loathe either of the group. You will have to choose they say. If you are not on our side you are against us.

When i went to a boarding school during the period, when i was 5-10 year old. It was as bad. My hostel was in Kurseong,Darjeeling. So the groups were divided among the natives and others who came from the north side, bihar, bengal etc.  My best friend was a native. So i always found it difficult to be among the group i was supposed to be by default. I was pressured to join the north side while the natives were cool with me being part of their group. I had no choice i liked them all though i didn't understand this need to make groups. Otherwise they were all good people.

I guess their difference in appearance made them choose sides. Well, i din't see the difference. My troubles didn't last long. The natives gave me free hand as to i pretend to be of north group and be with them too. I liked the idea. I guess it got easy to survive after that. But the fact remains i had to pretend to choose a group to survive without hassle.

My question is do we have to choose sides, when there is no difference between either of them. why can't i be friend with him without hurting her. I guess you can't they will make you choose sides.

All my life the thing about choosing sides has been arising time and again. So much so that one friend said, you have to choose one, there is always right and wrong..

But who says that and who will decide that..

If i have seen friends in both the sides is because i have heard what they have to say. And in their heads both of them are right.

So what do we do.

Which side you'll be on.

There are many thing said about being neutral.  "every side attacks you, when you don't take sides."

I will give you that one. It does become convenient if you choose one side. But for that you will have to choose a side. You will have to hate someone for that.

The thing about  having a healthy difference does not exist and never existed. I believe.

If i am with muslims. here and there they will drop about why don't i belief in their faith as that's the only real faith.

or when a hindu unabashedly criticizes  muslims..

or when a international paper says, people who worship stones are living in darkness and they have to give them some light..

or when you hate someone because they can't speak your language..

or when you don't like the colour of my skin.

or when you hate someone just because that one annoys you without  any reason.

Why would i want to take sides. these are all talks.. the reality being the reality. i will perceive my life as i will .. if i  don't find any side i want to choose.. i will choose nothing. and if for that you hate me go on.. do that.

you will have groups for that too..
some who would not mind me..
some who hate me for my thoughts..
some who love me and agree with me..

so here again we have made groups..

I don't know what more i can say about this... but just this that, I'm not on your side..

-SA

woh mujhe rone nahi dete!!!

aksar thak kar jab apni thakan zahir karta hun;
toh woh kehte hai," koi baat nahi.. yeh toh hona hi hai..
aadat dal lo.."

kabhi agar pyar mei chot khaon..

toh kehte hai:" yeh toh hona hi tha.. mujhe pehle hi laga tha.. "

"bhool jao.. "

Kabhi kisi bhookhe  ko dekh kar gussa aur majburi mehsoos karta to kehte..
yeh toh aisa hi rahega..
"kyu bekar mei pareshan hote ho... hone do jo ho raha hai"..

kabhi bam dhamakon se daar jata hun toh kehte hai..
"are darke kya hasil ho jayega.. ab aise hi jeena hoga"

kabhi apne kam se nirash hokar unse baat karta hun, to kehte hai
"yeh kam tumhare layak nahi,  kuch aisa karo jo tumhare bas ka ho".

kabhi bimar ho jao aur apni taklifein bayan karu toh kehte hai,
"dhairya rakho, jald theek ho jaoge.. akbakane se kya hoga.."

meri har taklif, meri har samasya, har dukh  ko nazar andaz karne ko kehte hai..

Woh mujhe rone nahi dete..

sach kahu toh, woh mujhe jeene hi nahi dete..

mere saath ho rahe wakyon ko, mehsoos nahi hone dete..

meri dabdabai  aankhon se, aansun tapakne hi nahi dete..

kya karu, woh mujhe rone hi nahi dete..

sach toh yeh hai ki, woh mujhe jeene hi nahi dete..

unki nazar mei, jeena waisa hi hoga shayad..

apne dard ko sunn karke jeena, jewan hai shayad unke liye..

nazrein pher, nazarein badal lete hai shayad..

iss haath ke choot te, dusra haath tham lete hai shayad..

inn sabse khush ho shayad..

Main khush nahi hona chahta, iss tarah..

mai har pal ko, mehsoos karna chahta hun..

dard mei chikhna chahta hun

gam mei aansun bahana chahta hun..

taklif mei tadapna chahta hun..

aur agar kabhi khushi aaye, toh  haasna bhi chahta hun..

mai insan hun..

insan ki tarah jeena chahta hun..

har kuch mehsoos karna chahta hun..

woh mujhe rone nahi dete..

arre yaar mai rona chahta hun..

-SA