Surviving On Water for 3 days.

Day 1.

Suddenly, I get a feeling that my will is getting weaker and I am being swayed by things, while other people are not. I want to be strong mentally strong. As I read in my childhood that 'WILL' should be the last to fall. It was by Swami Vivekananda, someone I really look up to.

It is not that I am not motivated these days, yes I am but I want to test this. I have lived without food for a day but 3 days on the water. I have never done that. As I think this, As I write this, something tells me no... don't do this you can't. But something stronger inside me says, You can.

Also, I need a shake up. From the time I got back into acting full-time life has been amazing. It is not that problems are not there. They are, but it is easier because I love what I do... I am a very clear person If I don't enjoy or love what I do I am miserable. Or I find a reason to love that work. I usually do. And then I am completely engrossed.

 I don't have a blanket of religion to cover myself. It is for my will. This exercise is to make my will stronger, fiercer, braver, bold, daring, fearless etc. Something in me tells me I might regret this. But this is the beauty of our human soul. There is darkness as well as the light inside us. We are exactly like the universe. Where ever we take our believe it goes there. As Gandhi ji once said, If you believe You can or You believe you can't. Both ways you are right..

It's been 18 hours since I have eaten.

Last meal was yesterday night 26/8/2017 at 10 pm and right now it is 4 pm. Yes, I do feel hungry, very hungry but my stomach will have to make do without it. Since this thought of 3 days came to me in the morning. I had already drunk two black coffees by then. That's fine I guess.  So I wait for 29th 10 pm.

Looks like I will be drinking a lot of water and taking a lot of pee breaks that's fine.. that's fine.

One thing, I am not changing my schedule. I'll keep working and not tell a soul about this. I have to play cool for 3 days. Let's see man how these 72 hours go. It is making me excited as well as nervous.

I am sure I will gain a lot of perspective and strength after this whole exercise.

I will keep updating this and post on the 3rd day as I end my fast with a soup that I will make. Cheers Man!!! See you on the other side.

8pm. 22 hours after last meal.

 I am at my friends house sitting watching Badminton World Championship final.. I hope Sindhu wins this but all I can concentrate is on my tummy and what it is trying to say. I have started feeling a headache. I try and focus on my Breathing to ease out and distract myself. Not telling anyone was a great decision. I told my friend that I am experimenting with not eating anything after sunset.  I din't want to tell him or we start crying and hope for sympathy.. oh look how difficult it is for me to not eat and what a great experiment I am doing.. Shuuuuut Upppp. Well, I 'll check in again after some time. He was talking to his cook and told her to make four parathas and I heard was make tea with out sugar. I told him she might make it for me too.. aaaa huh!!! Dumb me. Anyways.. ta ta for a while.. looks like this post is going to be long.

9:55pm. 24 hours Since last meal.

Headache. Feeling a little drowsy. And since I can disassociate once I tell myself. So my room mate cooking his delicious egg curry is not bothering. Even when at my friend's house he was having dinner I couldn't care less. I was drinking my water.

You know this pain has the feeling of love a sweet pain. A pain that a good natured person feels when his love is not returned. I'm not talking about obsessive one.

Damn! What have I gotten myself into. Tomorrow will be easier. the most difficult part is going to be the last few hours.  See ya tomorrow morning.

Day 2.  8am. 34 hours since last meal.

I usually sleep for 5-6 hours but yesterday night I slept at 12:30 and though I got up at 5:30 the uneasiness made me sleep some more. I dragged my sleep just lying there going into sleep and then waking up. It was on and of with crazy dreams. Primal dreams I didn't have for a long time. Huhhh!! Even Gandhi had it  so it's fine.

After I woke up, I sat in front of the computer with a glass of warm water. I hope warm water soothes. Yesterday night when I was talking to a friend over mobile I was feeling dizzy and had no clue as to what my experience of the day was clearly when I was talking to her. It felt like being drunk but in a better way. I felt really light like I was floating. Maybe I can side the pain because of my vipassana experience. Where you are asked to look at your emotions without Judgement just as an audience not engaging with it and feeling it to the core and telling yourself it is not permanent. It will not go on for eternity. Yes, It must be helping me. though I don't practice regularly but I have stayed in touch.

4:30pm. 42 &1/2 hours since last meal.

The head ache is constant and the feeling in the stomach the twitch is constant. I keep drinking water to feel okay. I was reading these blog posts where people had done these fasts for 3 days - 5days useful stuff. One thing I could relate to is that when I am working there is energy in the body while I am just sitting or back home I feel drowsy. As I was coming back home just now I was standing by the lift believing I had pressed the button. Things happen but I'm on auto pilot it seems like. I might just take a small nap as the head ache is quite hammering. I have rehearsals for the English play at 6pm.

Let me talk to you about what happened during the day. So the Hindi play rehearsal happens in the cafe near my home. So I go there and it is the Subham's birthday (cafe partner and chef). He gets the cake for all of us. I can't say I 'm fasting for 3 days so the guy there says you have a fast today I was like Ya.. Why don't you keep the cake in the fridge I will have it tomorrow. Tomorrow I will make another excuse. But the cake was sitting there in front of me as Nancy didn't eat her's. But it didn't bother me much. I was making sure no body came to know but Nancy said you look sleepy, Why? I was like am I? Oh!!! It is helping others not knowing. I guess sympathy makes us weak. I don't know. I don't want to make statements. Just writing what I feel.

The smell of food is all over. Since yesterday I am smelling samosas. I guess I will make a list of the food items I am tempted for and eat it starting tomorrow night over a course of few days. I went to meet a friend after the rehearsal in his office. They were eating gujias. Oh! Damn.. one of my favorite things. Then a ladoo was offered to me from Lal baugh cha raja.. I kept it in my bag saying I'll eat it later. Then came the turn of tea. I said I don't want tea.

The best part about this fast is doing things as they are meant to be not wasting any time. I am saving a lot of time from coffee breaks snack break, lunch, dinner. I can handle this but if you ask if I will try this again.. No idea. One thing that needs to be taken care of is the stink that comes from your mouth when you are not eating anything. I try and rinse with water time and again. I am careful but still when you are acting I don't know how careful you can be. I am planning a movie with a friend. Bad idea. But I won't change anything because of the 3 day fast. Anyways tomorrow night when I publish this I am free to tell them.. 'Hey, that stink that you felt was because I was not eating' A friend is very sensitive to smells. Let's see if she figures out. The point of the exercise is also majorly being happy when nothing is going right. Not brooding. I have kept my enthusiasm despite everything.  I will also carry a small mouth wash. Problem solved.

5:50pm. Almost 44 hours.

The nap was a bad idea. as I lied down on the bed I felt i was shivering. Even in the cafe I was feeling colder. The temperature must be 27 but I am feeling cold. As I was taking a nap I woke up after 15 minutes feeling it's been an hour or so. and the pain was crazy. The time is moving slow. Time to put a brave face again off for rehearsal and I play an eccentric person full of energy. Oh God!!! Though someone who met me after a long time and had no idea about my weight loss that I did over a month said I am looking weak. I guess the weak must be the fatigue.

9:52pm. 48 hours since the last meal.

I am sitting in a cafe. A friend called and wanted to meet just as I finished rehearsal. I am working on a different scene with him that I had written. I ll talk about the rehearsal. Just as i reached Richard's place his guest from Chennai was making Chicken curry. The whole time  that smell was all over.. ahhh!!!!! Anyways good to know I can love food. Maybe I'll enjoy eating from now on.

I am reading a character who has not eaten for few days. What an Irony!!! My friend doesn't realize it's been 48 hrs since I have eaten. I am challenging my self quite a bit sitting around people eating and drinking.

11pm 49 hours since last meal.

Oh damn! So annoying this feeling that I can just go in the kitchen and eat. Self imposed fast is tougher I guess, rather than when you have to do it. An option is always a painful situation to be in.

The pain is like a constant companion. It's fine. It escalates at times. The headache keeps variating. At times water soothes it. I am drinking a lot of water.

I am finding reading difficult. Sitting alone reading a book. Working, chatting is fine. When I'm alone I remember or else I am distracted by someone else.
I will try and chat with my friend. If my friend is in mood to or free i.e.

12pm. 50 hours since last meal.

I tried to read. Was very difficult could not focus. Then I thought about watching something.  Started watching a Pakistani show on Netflix but few minutes in every body started eating. Huh!!! I guess I ll switch off my mobile and sleep. Chao chao..

Day 3. 8:30am. 58.5 hours since the last meal.

I slept at 12.05am I guess and then I got up at 6am first as usual but forced myself to sleep. My body needed that extra sleep. Feeling very good and energetic actually. No headache or pain in the stomach. a very faint feeling is there. I guess my body has started burning bad cells and fat. I have lost one and a half kgs. I will regain it as I start eating I am sure. Let's see how much exactly I lose. I need to  think what I will eat at 10 pm today. It is just 14 hours from now. Today is going to be easy I guess. While I was reading a blog post that guy talked about drinking turmeric - ginger tea a few hours before eating to get the digestion going. Maybe I will have to go easy on the dinner today but tomorrow is going to be binging day. Eating whatever I wish.

One thing I miss is the workouts. In this last month, I fell in love with it. But I need to watch it too I lost a bit more weight than I should. This is my problem, once I get into something I don't know when to stop. My idea of passion is like that of a hopeless romantic. Once in, there is nothing else.
Like this silly challenge that I am doing.

11:20am, 61.5 hours since last meal.

I am the cafe ready to start rehearsing. I am feeling miserable and weak. But I checked my self. If I let myself brood on the situation I get miserable while If I sit down and work. I forget all about it. Also, my body provides energy as and when needed. I do see at times my focus has increased, the mind has gone calmer. I am not thinking about unnecessary stuff. Don't have the energy for bull shit. Will try and remember the lines as much as I can before Sam comes. He should reach by 12.

The guy who works in the cafe said that I look distraught. Time to pump it up. No one else should see this. Time to charge myself. Time to burn a few more fat cells.  Body, common give me some energy. (Funny).

12pm. 62 hours. 10 hours to go.

I am feeling really cold. It feels like the winter. I should have gotten the jacket. Actually, It is close to shivery. No headache, No pain in the tummy. Just a funny feeling. I guess the digestion process has stopped. The body is not expecting anything.

3pm. 65 hours. 7 hours to go.

Just came back from the rehearsal. As I was coming up My mind was speculating what to do? What to read? I put my foot down that Either you go sleep or watch something. I am not doing any work. As anyways I will have to go for rehearsal around 6pm. Now, I realize the importance of taking breaks and chilling. Anyways my friends keep saying that I can do nothing other than work. I don't have normal topics to chit chat about. All I talk about is acting this and acting that. I guess It makes me a very good actor but a very annoying person to be around maybe. How will a girl fall in love with me, if  I keep boring her with all the acting talk? I need to ease a little. Find other interests other than acting too (smile).

The headache is back. I don't know how much water will help this. The tummy is sleeping. It must be saying, "Oh Good no working for a while".   When Sam came today, I asked him if I was looking tired to this he said, I was looking fresher than yesterday. I guess so. I had no difficulty in concentrating in the rehearsal, actually, I think I could focus more.  Today, I was talking to Adithya another cafe partner and also chef. So I told him I want to eat something special tomorrow. Let's see what's in store. I am excited but I have no clue as to what I will eat at 10pm. Some dry fruits and then something. I said I will make soup but I guess not. My soup would be bland. I am falling in love with food. I guess If you want to find love stay away for a while. There was this friend who I used to hang out with and she was really annoyed with my lack of interest in food. I said, I eat only to live. Huh!!!! What a sad statement.  Why only her!!!  I irritated almost everyone by not ordering my own food. Because I had no favorite. What I understand now is that it doesn't make me cool. I recently realized it annoyed me talking to a person who had no favorites. For whom everything was fine.

I realize now that to be a good artist you have to live fully in every area of your life. Live live live.. Have fun.. face everything.. every emotion. Feeling everything is important. It is important for an artist to be sensitive rather than numb. Just a shift in thought process has changed my outlook.

6:30pm, 68.5 hours. 3.5 hours to go.

I am sitting in the cafe with a friend. I  am very composed and my face is not at all saying what is going on inside. Actually, I am more excited and happy than troubled.
Suddenly after my nap my eye started hurting and I have no clue. It is still hurting.

7pm, 69 hours, 3 hours to go.

I am home waiting to drink my ginger-turmeric tea at 8 to start the digestion process.  It is funny that I dreamt that I am eating pasta in my dream and it was so real, I can't tell and when I woke up, Oh! Hoo.

My plan of no one getting a hint has been successful. It was a good decision too. I am coming out strong after this exercise. Even my room mate doesn't know about this or my closest friend. I might try a five day fast sometime in the future. Will go watch some Netflix now. (Watched the 10th episode of Midnight diner: Tokyo stories. I was holding this episode for a long time. Since I loved it so much I didn't want it to end)

8pm. 70 hours. 2 hours to go.

Ginger- turmeric tea is here.  Anxious. So the process started. 9:45 dry fruits and then soup. Thought wise I have nothing. I am exhausted. I might write something after a few days reflecting on the experience, my take away from it.

8:45pm  75 minutes to go.
The tea relived my tummy.  The headache is fading. I guess I will eat some dry fruits around 9:30 and then go get the soup. and come back for dinner. I told my room mate.. He was tired wanted to order or something. I told him, WHY I want special dinner. He was angry. I guess. he said this is ridiculous. Anyways. He is making egg curry and rice with less masala.

Please if you are planning to do this do your own research. I am just improvising.

9:30pm.  30 minutes to go.

Ate 5 almonds & 5 Dates. Now off to the restaurant for a lovely soup.

9:51 pm. I am in the restaurant waiting for the soup 9 minutes to go. Btw, I lost 2.5 kgs.

9:57pm. 3 minutes to go.

The soup is here.

10pm. 72 hours complete.

Yipppeee. I am so happy. Relieved I guess. Whatever I am glad I did this. Tough but worth. A lot of Perspective, clarity and focus happened.

Thanks for reading. I know it is long but it was damn 72 hours without food. :-)